Can You Really Change Your Personality? Olga Khazan Tried.
19 Questions for The Atlantic writer and accidental self-help experimenter.
You know that friend who’s always texting you links to fascinating, slightly outlandish science articles? Olga Khazan is that friend—except she’s the one writing them. As a longtime staffer at The Atlantic, she covers the intersection of health, psychology, and social science with wit, charm, and a welcome dose of irreverence.
In her first book, Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World, Olga Khazan drew on her experience growing up as a Russian immigrant in West Texas, where she often felt like she didn’t quite fit in. Blending personal stories with psychology research and interviews with others who stood out in their environments, the book uncovered how being “weird” could be both a challenge and a surprising asset. It was a thoughtful, funny, and ultimately empowering read for anyone who had ever felt like they were on the outside looking in.
Her latest book, Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change, asks a deceptively simple question: What happens when you try to change your personality? Not just your habits or mindset, but your actual Big Five traits—extraversion, conscientiousness, openness, and so on. Armed with the tools of psychology and the commitment of a method actor, Olga turned herself into a kind of living experiment, attempting to become less anxious, more outgoing, and generally… better.
It’s a fascinating premise, and I’m not the only person to think so. Our curators at the Next Big Idea Club—Malcolm Gladwell, Susan Cain, Adam Grant, and Daniel Pink—picked Me, But Better as one of our two official selections for the new season. (Join now and get Olga’s book delivered to your door. Use promo code SEASON26 for 20% off a new membership.)
We asked Olga to fill out the Author Insider Questionnaire, our writer-focused spin on the Vanity Fair “Proust Questionnaire.” Her answers are sharp, funny, and full of the same offbeat insight that makes her writing such a pleasure to read.
—Panio
Nineteen Questions With Olga Khazan
1/ I couldn’t have written my last book without… Otter transcription. I can divide my time in journalism to the period before AI transcription got good, and the period after. AI transcription just makes the process of writing so much better and less painful. You no longer have a long period before you can even start writing when you’re just transcribing interviews and hating yourself. I’m not a huge techno-optimist, but that’s one piece of technology that I’m very glad was invented.
2/ What’s the thing most people get wrong about being a writer? That the more you write, the better of a writer you’ll be. It’s actually the more you read.
3/ What’s something you wish you’d started doing five years ago? Having kids. Only sort of kidding! I had Evan, my first, at 37, and he might end up being my last because your body doesn’t work as well when you’re pushing 40. It’s not just the likelihood of getting pregnant that’s affected by age, it’s your energy levels, too.
4/ Do you read your reviews? Yes, if they’re in a reputable publication. No, if they’re on Goodreads. Sorry!
5/ Is there a book you wish you’d written? Priestdaddy. I obviously could not have written that exact book, because I don’t have a Priestdaddy, but I’m obsessed with that book and with Patricia Lockwood in general. She’s one of the most fun and interesting writers working today.
6/ What keeps you up at night? Readers of Me, But Better will know that this category includes pretty much anything and everything.
7/ Where do you find new ideas? Stuff I’m wondering about, stuff I’ve heard other people wonder about, stuff I hear in interviews that are side thoughts that make me go “huh!” Stuff I see on the Internet, stuff I see IRL. Anywhere really.
8/ How do you keep track of new ideas? I put them in ToDoList, a great app I recommend. (Not an ad!)
9/ What’s the best piece of professional advice you’ve ever received? If you’re wondering how to talk to someone who is more famous or important than you in the same field, ask them for advice. People love to be asked for advice.
10/ And the worst? In grad school, they told us that the future of journalism was something called “audio slideshows.” I’ll give $20 to the next person who can show me an audio slideshow on the internet right now.
11/ What is the one piece of advice you would give to recent graduates that want to make a living as a writer? Get comfortable with uncertainty.
12/ How did you find your agent? I found him on the recommendation of another writer who also has him. If you have the option, I would go this route rather than picking someone at random.
13/ Coffee, tea, or something stronger? Is there something stronger than coffee? I must know. Coffee!
14/ What's the most effective way you've found to build your email list? Ask other newsletter writers to recommend your newsletter. This is also the most humiliating and emotionally vulnerable way to build your email list. If you want the experience of asking someone to middle-school prom, except every day, dozens of times a day, this is the way to go. But it works!
15/ Can you describe your ideal workday? Wake up at 9 am. Have a leisurely breakfast while reading and drinking coffee (see above). Start work around 10 am. Break at 1 pm-ish for lunch and exercise. Resume around 2:30 pm and go until 6 or 7 pm. Eat a gourmet vegan dinner. Wine and a movie. I’m realizing I’m just describing my life before kids :(
16/ How does that compare to your actual workday? Be woken up at 5:45 am by high-pitched screaming. Deal with baby while sneaking sips of Nespresso. Eat the portion of the yogurt the baby doesn’t want. Count down the minutes till childcare starts. Frantically do everything that requires concentration or a computer between 9 and 5, even if it means eating lunch standing up. Make a gross, “kid-friendly” meal that the kid nevertheless rejects. Dinner, bath time, bedtime (for the kid, not for you.) Catch up on work over sad desk salad. But, you know, it’s all worth it, etc. etc.
17/ What do you wish you’d known when you were starting out? No matter what, it’s going to be okay.
18/ What is your new book about? My new book, Me, But Better, is about personality change, meaning it’s a guide to changing the patterns of thought and behavior that are holding you back, so you can live the life you want.
19/ Any new projects the Author Insider community can help support? I’d love it if folks would sign up for my Substack at olgakhazan.substack.com. Will save me a few prom proposals!
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Love these! Olga you have been such a been inspiration in our household from these responses I can see you're as genuine and honest as they come. #2 is a spicy hot take.
Love this Olga ... I am going to start a new iPhone notes file titled "stuff that makes me go, Huh !"